Christopher Hitchens waterboarded himself and said, “believe me, it’s torture.”
Meaning what? It’s worse than a traffic jam? What does he know about torture that allows him to decide what is and isn’t? If Hitchens is trying to determine whether waterboarding is “torture” (which is a ridiculous debate), he needs to subject himself [...]
Author Archives: Andrew
Waterboarding yourself is an inconclusive experiment
July 2, 2008 – 2:49 pm
Who has the best political team?
June 11, 2008 – 10:11 pm
I like where marketing is going — it looks like everyone has finally maxed out. It was only a matter of time.
Changing Floors
May 15, 2008 – 3:29 pm
Watch as I make it appear as if I am: 1) Going down steps, 2) Going down an escalator, and 3) Going down an elevator.
A file I just found on my computer by mistake
March 13, 2008 – 10:21 pm
Entitle “band_names.txt,” from 2004, when I was 24 years old. Contents:
band names
Forms
Outtakes
Ostracon
unconditional happiness
unspeakable outrage
A short parable that I would use somehow if I became a motivational speaker tomorrow but have lived long enough to know that a couple of years from now I will be embarrassed that the thought even crossed my mind
February 12, 2008 – 11:53 pm
The other day, I was talking to my girlfriend about expensive wine.
“What’s so great about expensive wine?” I asked.
“The complexity of taste,” she replied. “In fine wines, you can taste all kinds of things. Like almonds.”
I thought about this and realized, you know what else tastes like almonds? Almonds.
Just eat almonds.
Super Bowl XLII Fan Fiction
February 2, 2008 – 11:46 pm
It was completely silent. At least it was to Tom Brady, quarterback of the New England Patriots. In reality, he was completely surrounded by screaming spectators. But Tom didn’t get to the Super Bowl by letting things like that distract him. “All I’ve got to do is get a touchdown against [...]
Andrew Mason Endorses Barack Obama
January 31, 2008 – 8:31 pm
Every once in a lifetime, there comes something, something not all of us are lucky to see. But if we keep hoping, that change can be brought about. The road is often long. And yes, there will be doubters along the way. But strength. Perseverance. Courage. These are [...]
The Best Shave in History
January 3, 2008 – 8:17 am
Shaves are like film scores. The best of them fade thanklessly into the background, propping up the finer qualities of their hosts without drawing attention to themselves. People often point out to me the lack of comments about my shave, and ask what my “secret” is. “I’m always happy to share the [...]