Bandrew

I live by a simple formula. When I reach a fork in life’s road, I ask myself, “which direction will allow me to provide the greatest value to the largest number of people?” Answering this question has led me to engage a variety of pursuits, from music, to public policy, to Web entrepreneurship.

This philosophy has put me in many situations where I have been fortunate enough to make significant contributions to Earth culture. My most recent public service occurred on Saturday night, when I was debating whether to bring cake or pie to a dinner party. First, I asked myself, “Would I rather have cake? Or, would I rather have pie?” And THEN, I asked myself, “Andrew — what if you didn’t have to choose?” It was at that moment that I had a vision for what I would come to call: Cake Pie.

Cake Pie is best described as follows. Imagine a pie. Now take away the pie, and put back the pie crust. Now, imagine a cake. Imagine putting that cake onto the place where the pie was. Put the pie crust underneath the cake. Imagine it was baked like that from the beginning. Behold! Cake Pie.

I am usually eager to share my brainsterpieces with the world’s hungry children. But I’ve decided to delay the release of Cake Pie’s recipe. As long as its creation remains a secret, the Cake Pie will be the chief topic of conversation at all future dinner parties I attend. That is, unless I allow it to become commoditized by releasing its ingredients, which will relegate its mystery to that of the microchip.

Below I present the recipe, less one secret ingredient. That ingredient will be revealed when it is found written on a slip of paper in the back right pant pocket of my lifeless body on the day I die, unless I die in a place that humans are unable to reach for several days. So to be precise, it will be revealed on the day that my lifeless body is found by a human.

Cake Pie

Ingredients: Pie Crust, Secret Ingredient, Cake Icing

Instructions

1. Prepare the Secret Ingredient according to the instructions on its box.
2. Pour the Secret Ingredient into the pie crust.
3. Bake according to the instructions on the box of the Secret Ingredient. Allow to cool.
4. Spread the cake icing on top of the Secret Ingredient.

Goodbye, culinary arts, my work here is done.